Hey Ju-

Subtext

2009-07-18T14:46:16Z

My life is perfect.

My life is perfect.

My life is perfect
(Although not quite
As before when nothing was
Wrong and everything was
Perfect)

Merry Christmas

2008-12-25T15:00:25Z

Last

(and will be edited--)

Ang katotohanan o ang hindi ka masaktan?

2008-12-07T10:49:03Z

You're not supposed to say it casually when there's a blockage in your heart and you can go any time soon.

I will not be prepared to lose you.

I only feel Christmas because of the chill in the wind.

Overstatement

2008-11-23T06:08:16Z

You do make things seem more important than they really are.

Labels

2008-11-19T13:20:26Z

It's official. I don't own my life.

Maybe you should think that about me because maybe that is who I am. In fact, I don't really know anymore, so just go ahead, you're probably right anyway.

---

Just let me hit rock bottom so I'd stop falling already.

Just absorbing everything

2008-11-08T09:02:35Z

Yesterday was a day just like any other. I went to Katipunan for rehearsals which I was not fully into but got thrown over a table nevertheless. Ended up in a garage sale and tried to drop in on some old friends and new friends too, but ended up staying and buying a round of drinks for my jokes that yielded dead air. Hey, I can't help it if I have inside jokes between me and myself. Played Rockband again for the third day in a row and for some reason I can't escape this game, which makes me think that I lead a too usual life, that of a Ateneo college student and I'm not sure if that's a good thing yet.

I've put the brakes on my life ever since the break started, not thinking too much. Actually, I've been putting off thinking. I try with a lot of might to ward off thoughts that result to contemplating stuff because I'd rather be not in it for a while. I've been putting a pause on being pensive, but this doesn't seem to be working too much.

Yesterday was a day just like any other, except I got some thrill from meeting someone new and liking that someone for humor and being alike in bitterness and depth. Here's a toast to finding someone and having a shoulder to cry on, despite their being passed around, it's good to be imaginitive and not have a point or a punchline in some stories anyway.

I noticed that I'm a good friend of couple. I was thinking, if my couple friends got married, I wouldn't be sure where to station myself, as a friend of the groom or friend of the bride. Which led me to thinking about my current status before I could police myself, and I felt weird about being alone and not having anyone look for me when I'm not home by 2AM and when I've been awake for two days, at some point having fun from being a passenger in a car that was driven loudly and haphazardly, or probably bringing people to my apartment and playing Taboo and eating pizza and watching Rent yet again.

Yesterday was a day just like any other, and so was the other day. The night is young and so are we (but some people are not), so maybe today will be different. After all, maybe these are my glory days and I'm not even realizing it.

I want out

2008-11-04T12:51:53Z

So my dad has been complaining about my brother. Says that he's spending too much time not being around which he thinks is because of a girlfriend. I don't know if my brother does have a girlfriend, but I do agree that most of his time is spent not being around. I can't really say much about it though, because I'm not around a lot either.

Around where, that's the question. I think this family has issues with staying in one place for a long time. I know I do. I don't know where home is, if it's a tangible thing, even. I don't like being caged into the idea of being somewhere for good. Thanks to my interminable, adventurous self, I'd rather be lost in a place exploring.

So maybe what my dad says about my brother is also directed towards me, only indirectly. It's kinda messed up because whenever I'm around, he's not and vice versa, so the only time we do get to spend together is the in-betweens when we talk about trivial stuff like my brother having a girlfriend.

I don't want to get to thinking about how things are fleeting and temporary, because that will set off other thoughts that I'd rather not have at the moment. I'm just enjoying doing nothing for the time being, doing physical activities now and then, checking my Multiply out of boredom and contemplating on baking brownies. Speaking of, I've been thinking about blogging on Multiply, but I'm just not comfortable with the idea of too many people reading what I think or how my day went, et cetera. Not a lot of people know my LJ so there's that plus I'm not sure if I'm even writing for an audience and not just to get this down on paper (not literally, of course) so it's no longer inside of me. I post photos there because from those people can infer what they want to, and I can let it be. Words mean so much more - to me, at least, and sometimes.

Yes, I cannot wait for the second semester to start so my life can be trivial again. Sometimes you just want to be not serious and not plan everything because they don't get carried out anyway and spontaneity is more fun and exhausting.

So here's to looking forward to other things, me being incoherent, random quotes from writers who have a cult following and paying a whole lot of money just to get to where you're supposed to be.

What remains

2008-10-27T07:12:56Z

I want to be a better person.
But I am reluctant.
Everything is a performance.

---
What stops you?
He told me.
Do not be afraid.

Thinking out loud

2008-10-14T15:47:54Z

I've been planning to write this entry dedicated to the end of the sem for a while now. So many things have happened, and I can't stop saying that because I know that there's still more to come. Right now, I'm overwhelmed with all the people that I've met, all the work I've done, places I've been to... and there are also moments that I want to relive, people that I've taken for granted, experiences that were missed and opportunities not taken.

I don't think I was ever as aware as I am now. Now, I am awake. I participate, even if there are times when I catch myself still observing and passing time. I'm beginning to realize that I shouldn't live with regrets. Sure, I still have them, but I'm learning. Two months ago, I turned seventeen. How different was I then from how I am now? I can't conclusively say, but I can say that things have changed.

I'm still getting by. I've been bumming around at home for the past few days, catching up with sleep, food, books, television and friends. I never fully understood what I unconsciously gave up for the fun and freedom of university and living alone in an apartment.

I'm looking forward to the next semester. Here's to the next... whatever that may be. People, places, moments, experiences. There's probably nothing life can throw that I can't handle. Hopefully. I like beginnings. They're easier than endings, but I'm not sure if they're better. We'll see.

This time we're not giving up, let's make this last forever.

On time

2008-09-28T04:35:32Z

When you're PMS-ing so badly that you end up cursing everyone but you still play Rockband.

When you procrastinate and sing instead of working on your paper that is due the next day.

When you try to make things better even if who you're trying to make better doesn't care.

When you get tickets to the UAAP Finals game of Ateneo-La Salle and it's your first game, while screaming your lungs out your team wins - one big fight.

When one of your best friends isn't in the Philippines and you can't send her an email because you don't know what to say yet you still try.

When you haven't been with the people you've wanted to be with for the longest time and still you can't because everyone's busy.

When the person you think you like and you think likes you apparently likes someone else.

When what you haven't thought about comes back to haunt you because time has a plethora of possibilities where it can repeat itself or nothing is temporary and you want to be at the center of time so everything just stops for a moment.

When you want to think of the people who are now gone.

When you spend your whole afternoon trudging through mud and getting lost around campus to find what you are looking for.

When you randomly burst into tears and not know what that's about.

When you go on sleepovers to assuage feelings of depression, being pathetic and alone, where you watch scary movies and eat like it doesn't matter that you haven't been to gym and you won't wake up early the next day.

When it's other people that get you through.

What's new?

Pang eksena lang

2008-09-19T05:54:11Z

Madilim.
Sandali lang.
Ayan ka na naman,
kung anu-ano sinasabi mo.
Nilalambing mo ako,
pero wala lang 'yun sayo.

Ganun ka naman kasi talaga, diba?
Kahit sa iba.
'Di mo lang alam,
Nakakapaniwala.
Ang galing mo naman,
Ang bilis mo mag-paasa.

Nakakatawa na nakakainis
Na yung mga bagay na bale wala sayo
'Di mo lang alam
Sa'kin, higit pa sa buong mundo
Tama nga yung sinabi nila
"Si...sino? Sinungaling ka."

Ayoko rin naman malaman...mo
Kasi nga baka hindi totoo
Kelan ka nga ba seryoso
May posibilidad nga ba
Ayan na, aalis ka muna
May ilaw na.

This can't be it

2008-09-12T01:51:26Z

I've been told that I post a lot of angst on this journal -- I've probably talked about this before -- and I wasn't sure if I did, because I merely write what I feel and what I feel and think, I write. So I looked up angst on Google and the Urban Dictionary came up with pretty interesting, and hilarious results.

Angst, often confused with anxiety, is a transcendent emotion in that it combines the unbearable anguish of life with the hopes of overcoming this seemingly impossible situation. Without the important element of hope, then the emotion is anxiety, not angst. Angst denotes the constant struggle one has with the burdens of life that weighs on the dispossessed and not knowing when the salvation will appear.

An airplane crashes into the side of a remote snow-covered mountain; those passengers that worry about their lives without hopes of survival only face anxiety. In contrast, those passengers who worry about their lives with hopes of survival but do not know when the rescue party will arrive face angst.

In my angst, anger, and anguish, I lived and died. – M.O.A.

I thought that this tried to be deep, but maybe that's just me. Isn't angst german for anxiety?

The funniest one I found was:

Angst is about downtrodden teenagers thinking they're the only bloody people in the world who have it tough, and thinks that gives them an excuse to wallow in their own self-pity instead of actually doing something about their situation.

James was feeling depressed, so he listened to slipknot because they 'shared his pain.'

Maybe I do have a lot of angst. I don't know why, maybe I'll never know. Just like how I'll never understand life, or the loss of it. I'm in a forever state of not understanding. For lack of a better word and my non-eloquence at this point, life is weird. It thinks things are funny, when, really they're not. Life has a weird sense of humor. (I really have to stop talking about life this way, lest I be refferred to as emo. Whatever, I think I need classes that tell me what to think so I can contradict them and be involved in some discussion where I can think about these things.)

But we get by. I like to imagine living as one of the theater games I used to play. You're running. Now, imagine a slight drizzle of rain. It rains harder, and soon enough, it is pouring. You walk through the flood. The flood, for some reason, turns into Jell-o. You wade through this, and while wading, the gelatinous substance becomes wet cement. You have to get out of it. You try to run, but each step is harder to take as your feet become stuck to the ground, and it is not your choice. The cement hardens. Freeze. Pose.

I know, I know. You cannot choose the circumstances that happen to you, you cannot control people, but you decide how you get there. How you respond is entirely up to you (or so they want you to believe).
If I have angst right now, it's only temporary. Like things, people, everything, it is fleeting. We empathize for those who have gone before us. They're gone, but we're still here, still alive. So, angst, for now. Tomorrow, who knows? I don't plan my life that far ahead.

We'll accept the things we cannot avoid, but only for now. Don't stress, relax - let life roll off your backs - except for death and paying taxes, everything in life is only for now.

On priorities

2008-08-28T05:54:24Z

Sometimes, you don't know what to do anymore.

There are too many things. They pile up; much like the cascades of clothes strewn around your apartment, which you do not have enough time to clean, too much like the books that you have to read, the photocopies of selections, and the downloaded files of alas, more readings.

Too many things. Most of the time you don't know what to do anymore.

You don't know what to do with yourself, with your time - with anything in your life. But you hang on, to what, you don't know. There's something, maybe it's just not tangible - yet.

You learn. First things first. It's not easy, but you try to make it worth all the effort, all the everything.

So even if you feel like you're a failure most of time, and you wallow in self-pity, misery, anguish, despair, all that - realize that it's going to be okay. This is the calm before the storm. Think to yourself, this is still freshman year.

Falling slowly

2008-08-24T04:07:26Z

I need a break. I'm too busy. But if being busy meant falling like this, I wouldn't want to be not busy, if you know what I mean.

In my three months of being a freshman college student, I've had four sprains, at least. I sprained my right index finger and my right knee both from playing basketball. I only got a three-point in for my Midterm, which was out of eleven points. I sprained my right ankle because I was walking half-asleep. It was really stupid, you'd think, who falls to the floor? My ankle got really fat and swollen so I had to wear bandages. Fast forward to working backstage for opening week of Otelo: as I run from stage right to stage left, I trip, land and sprain my already injured ankle. I went to school with crutches the next day.

Walking with a crutch makes you too conspicuous. People will always ask, "what happened?" To which I have an incredibly witty answer, "I fell."

I fall so much, yet I'm still not used to it. There's still that fear of falling. Not the fear of being up there, because I scale such great heights and I'm fine. I just don't like falling - it gives you too much of nothing, too much uncertainty, too much possibility. I look back and remember that sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

So if falling means you having to carry me, sure. If being injured entails you having to help me with my stuff, definitely. If my walking barefoot with merely a bandage would pressure you into offering your shoes, there's a possibility.

I'd be so damn kilig if I wasn't so out of it. I hope you like me too... because you know, we connect. Haha.

--No matter what happens, I'm never too busy for you.

Nevertheless, I need a break.

Here it goes

2008-08-01T15:20:20Z

It is the first day of August. I will be turning seventeen in thirteen days. Thirteen days.

I never thought I'd be so scared of growing up. Will it make a difference? Will I experience an epiphany about why life is and what I can do about it?

I don't know what to do... because right now, I'm just taking it all in - just like I have always been.

Honestly, I'm getting burned out. I am a tiny candle dripping wax, my light being snuffed out with every passing breeze. Giving your all leaves you with nothing but sleepless nights, coffee and junk food for friends, and being neurotic. But maybe, other things can happen. I need to start again. I haven't lost hope.

I'm just afraid. Still afraid.

Tabula rasa, please.

The future is not for us to see. What ever will be, will be.

An open letter.

2008-07-05T05:46:16Z

Dear you,

I started this entry with 'thank you.' I hit the backspace key and typed, 'you mean a lot to me.' I erase that again and I'm just here to say I can't tell you anything. Not that I don't trust you, not that I don't think we're close, not that I don't think you're worth it. No, none of that.

What I've felt towards you has been real. I've experienced anger, frustration, hope, dependence, and others in between.

I just can't find the right words.

My mouth doesn't comprehend and properly articulate what's in my mind. My thoughts race past my words like a runner on steroids in a dash marathon. I say what I don't mean and I end up offending you, but what I don't say is what I do mean - but words fail me.

They were all I had. My words, my circumlocutions, my double-meanings, my references. Or so I thought, until you told me otherwise. You told me that I had you, too.

Here's the thing: I'm afraid. I'm afraid of investing myself too much in something I know won't last. I know inevitability, and eventuality, to whom I have been good friends. I pull away before what's inevitable happens. It's a survival mechanism.

If I show you me, what happens when you leave? What happens to me?

But you said 'forever.' I want to believe you. I do. I'm taking it all in, day by day. That way, it won't hurt as much when what I'm dreading happens.

I know you will probably never get to read this, but there, I said it.

I'm trying. Please keep your end of the deal.

But if you don't, I won't blame you.

Love
me.

I wrote you something

2008-06-28T10:10:16Z

It's called confusion

I'm something
to you
but
I'm not
what I want
me
to be

I'm someone
to you
but
it's someone
else with whom
you want
to be

(Be)longing

2008-06-25T14:17:15Z

"I like you."

Telling people that I like them - that seems to be an apparent theme in my first few weeks of college life. Before you judge me for being desperate and lest you think I throw myself at their feet, pause for a few seconds and consider other options. I've learned that you shouldn't always go for the obvious.

I won't go into too much detail, most especially the Hows (that's too excruciating. funny, sure, but utter torture, I assure you). But I can tell you that I didn't readily choose to... admit. Honestly, I'm not the most honest and direct person. I use words, stalling tactics, and of course (you don't really know me if you don't know this), denial to get myself out of sticky and/or Velcro situations. I don't get to the point if I don't want to make it. Like now, can't you tell? There are some situations though, that you can't pull yourself out of. Circumstance forces you to say what you mean, and mean what you say. There are some situations wherein, you don't really have a choice.

Let's call unfortunate guy number 1... unfortunate guy number 1. I was... forced to tell him because I made a deal. I promised. And although promises can easily be broken - as I have experienced - for some reason I didn't want to. I had to tell him in exchange of... what? Now that I'm really thinking about it, I'm questioning if it was worth it. My pride for my being content. I'll see and decide on that later. I can see the world making me asa (sorry, but I can't express it in other words with the same effect), and this'll turn out to be another one of the "bests." Oh yeah, if you're reading this, remember, we promised. Not a word.

Unfortunate guy number 2 is pretty lucky. With all that hard work and hands-on skill, he surely deserves to be the one of the Top 2. The way he "found out" was hilarious. I would've wanted to be him, in a group of almost one-hundred people, and hear what people have to say... about me. Not to mention the really out of the box reasoning of "why you like him and what's your sexual fantasy?" Okay, let me explain.

Tanghalang Ateneo held its first General Assembly today. OrgAsm, as it was called (appropriately or not, it was really fun). For the trainees' introducing themselves, they had to say a)who their crush was in the room b)what their fantasy with them is and yeah, c)introduce themselves.

Speaking of TA, I really love it so far. Everyone's so... welcoming. It felt like I was at home when people I knew for only a day, remembered my name, greeted me, and oh wow, smiled. I miss that. Somehow, not everyone thinks acknowledgment is important. I do, and I feel bad whenever people don't respond to my Good mornings or greet me. I guess this what life is like in a new environment. I have to adapt to survive.

About choices, I've learned the hard way that it's okay to discern before you pick. In reality, this is what you really do, not dive in head first without checking how deep it is - what I almost always seem to do.

Who said life had to be a race? You've got to wait. Don't hurry. Don't run when you're asked to walk. Because you lose when you don't follow instructions. Not to mention you get tired for nothing.

Meant to be. I'm not sure if I believe in this concept. But right now, I think I'm where I'm supposed to be. In a way, I made it happen. I made it meant to be. So, waiting counts, but it also takes will - longing for something - and then working towards it. Especially if it's worth it.

So, I leave you with this: May today there be peace within. May you trust Jess that you are exactly where you are meant to be.

Take me or leave me

2008-06-21T02:58:42Z

June 21st, Nine AM, Greenwich Mean Time (+8). From here on in, I shoot without a script. See if anything good comes of it. Instead of my old shit.

First shot -- blueREP, CTC 115. There was a voice, talking to me. I'd been trying to suppress it to one of my brain's deep recesses, but, as usual with these voices, I failed.

So, I did the audition. I was feigning confidence, nonchalance and bravery. It's hard to be three things at once. In fact, two more things too many for a room that echoes everything with good acoustics.

It went faster than the rain droplets did. Before I knew it, the screening was over. I walked out in a daze, paused, re-winded and replayed what just happened. I hope I didn't suck. Wait, no. I hope I didn't suck that bad.

I went past umbrellas, puddles, people. I didn't realize it was raining, I didn't realize I was getting wet, I didn't realize I was crossing the street. At that moment, they weren't real. With peripheral vision and motor skills, that's how I managed to stay uninjured.

I hadn't said anything. I didn't have anything to say, didn't have anyone to say it to. Not yet. Somehow, I ended up on the overpass - the one I wrote a really shitty first draft about - eating my cereal and carrying my Math book. I don't remember how I got to eating the cereal, I don't know why I bought the book. My mind has a way of knowing what I need, but it only does this with trivial things. If knew what (or who) I wanted, what I really needed, wow, I would be so much better off now.

I had to stop. I had stepped on a puddle, and my foot was soaked in (what I hoped to be) water. Fuck. Hello world, you win. I was conscious again.
--
It takes a ten minute audition to make me aware again... I ask myself where I am going. I don't know the answer. At least I asked, and maybe I can get somewhere.

I walk away alone, down the sidewalk, towards Jude, stumbling only a little from time to time. I zoom in and I see people from sometimes, walking the same chapter, awkwardly too.
--
This isn't a performance. Not yet. From what I've learned, I am trying to discover, trying to articulate. This is a feeble attempt at documenting life for that past few minutes. How I wish it was getting more like fiction each day. That way, it could follow a formula and I might just catch a happy ending.

Wow, I'm so over you

2008-05-21T14:54:00Z

Hindi ko alam
Iniisip mo, kung ano... sino
Ang tahimik mo kasi
Hindi ka masalita

'Di kagaya ko
Medyo kulang sa gawa
At hindi sigurado
Kung ano ang tama

Pero ikaw
Hindi ka mali
Sa gusto mo
Sa kinalaunan, sana ako

Kasi ako
Hindi sigurado
Kung gusto kita
Malabo, nakakatawa

Nakakainis dahil minsan
'Di tayo nagkakaintindihan
Gusto ko sana, kaya lang
Nakakapagod umasa
...with my luck? wag na

---
...and the air went stale with the things left unsaid.

Yesterday I felt so old I felt like I could die

2008-05-13T13:23:07Z

I've been a regular commuter for the past few days. Not that I didn't commute before. Before, it was only the MRT, taxis, and the occasional jeep. But now, I've been assimilated into the everyday commuting culture complete with pollution. My routine has been riding a tricycle, two jeeps, a bus... and that's only going there, you should hear the getting back. Not that I'm complaining, this is my way of not wasting gas and saving the earth. Wait, I am complaining. Fares are so expensive! I'm broke and stingy that I keep even twenty five centavo coins. I can't even think of riding taxis anymore, with the flag down rate being the price of two waffles, I'd rather eat.

Commuting gives you a certain sense of independence, not having to rely on a driver for your every transportation need or whim, but it also demands from you responsibility. I've been having these brilliant realizations inside jeeps (random, I know. But really, there's nothing to do but space out or think when you're waiting for your stop). I realized, in four years, I'm going to be twenty years old. Do you know how old that made me feel? So now that I'm a regular commuter and in four years I won't be a teenager, I just want to... freeze time.

Freeze time to right now, when everything is just okay and I can still laugh about things. Freeze time so the rice won't be gone and oil will be so that they really have to think of newer ways to make cars run (and lower the gas prices). Freeze time so that our electricity bill isn't so much more than what we consume, and everyone decides to stay here because there would be no reason to leave. Freeze time so that I won't have to say goodbye to the memories that I fight to hold on to and the people that I have no choice but to let go of.

I miss high school because even though it wasn't perfect, it taught me a lot and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. I miss being awkward and having enough reason to be so because everyone else was going through generally the same things I was. Honestly, I am scared to death of college and living in an apartment. I want everything to stop or maybe pause, just right now, when everything is right. I like myself and I don't want to change into being disillusioned and unhappy.

I like how I stop to smile and greet people and how saying good morning (and breakfast) is important to me. I like how I don't get mad that easily and I don't hate anyone. I like how I'm not pretentious and know how to be spontaneous, dance, sing out of tune, play and have fun. I like how I like my music. I like how I believe in things and I do stuff for what I believe in. I love the people I'm with and how I'm always game to meet new people and dive in to new experiences. I like being a kid and being young! I was and am not one of those kids who wanted to grow up fast, I enjoyed and am enjoying my childhood. If I change, I just want add-ons or upgrades, please don't convert me into a cynical life-hating grown-up... who doesn't believe in fairies and Never, Wonder, Everythingwillbefine-land (okay, I made that last one up).

But I know there's no pause button, so now, I'm just trying to make the best out of it. Heck, I may hate commuting now because I don't have money to spend, but in some ways, it's better this way. Things are changing, and they're changing, fast. People may be leaving, but I guess it means and is meant for something... better. Just please tell me you're going through this too. This is not something I'd want to do on my own because, really, I'm terrified.

I'm bitter about the rice crisis, okay?

2008-05-02T11:11:14Z

[x] People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.(watch them)
[x] These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you.

1. If your lover played a prank on you and you found out, what will you do?
(assuming I had a lover. haha) Laugh and get back

2. What do you think of bulimia?
It's a serious psychological problem... but don't waste food, there's a rice crisis!

3. One random thing about you?
i scratched my tummy in public while yawning once during assembly (i know, wa-poise.)

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
yes. i am confused with everything. but i get by (with a little help from my friends? :D)

5. The one positive thing that happened to you today?
watching iron man!

6. Truth or dare?
dare

7. How many people know your deepest darkest secret?
one?

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
BE BITTER.

9. What's the stupidest thing that you've done recently?
buy a big glass of Pepsi when i don't like drinking soda

10. What do you want to achieve when you grow up?
happiness? a lot of things, really.

11. Is being tagged fun?
if i'm doing this then maybe it is. or maybe i'm just bored.

12. What/Who do you need right now?
my room- fixed.

13. When was the last time you had a good cry?
last month? basta, when i'm pms-ing.

14. What do you think about the guy who started this whole tagging thing?
nothing... he wanted to connect? i don't know.

15. Would you rather be single and rich or married and poor?
depends on who i'm getting married to. hahaha. being single is fine.

16. Are you good at poker?
sometimes.

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
it depends. definitely. maybe.

18. Who are you chatting with at the moment or last send an im to?
no one. i remember chatting with eric the other day though

19. What type of friends do you like?
no pretense, spontaneous, fun.

20. Last words?
i don't finish things because i'm bad at goodbyes.

alexledesma tagged me

I tag:
Nica
Ikat
Bey
Goose
jekai89
jazzteene
wakeupatnight
thejoycer

My life has become a boring pop song and everyone is singing along

2008-04-23T15:51:42Z

Okay. That's what things are.

On weekdays, I go to Rep. Skip breakfast, have class, go home. Skip lunch, go to sleep. Watch some TV, read a book, use the internet, more sleep. Wake up for dinner, sleep some more. Interesting, I know. You should hear what I do on weekdays.

That's what I've been doing so far for summer. Which reminds me, I can't wait to start school already! I've been bored and looking for things to do.

I'm going to Ateneo tomorrow to submit my medical requirements and have my ID picture taken. I didn't take the picture when I confirmed for my slot because I was scared it would end up horribly and haunt me until I graduate. Although I found out on the same day that, no, you change pictures every year. I don't know why I cared so much about the ID. Anyway, I'm really excited for college! I'm excited to live in our flat, Jude, and hang out in Katipunan. I'm jealous of people who work already (I probably won't be saying that in the future) because they have a reason to get up in the morning. I want to do so many things but I don't end up doing them because I feel like I have all the time in the world. I want to exercise, join AFC or a sport, learn a foreign language, take up photography, et cetera. I need motivation! And a driver or someone to pay for commuting expenses. Any applicants? Haha.

Speaking of motivation, friends have been telling me they're going to get that in college. The person type. I don't know about that, I'd probably be too busy to go and find myself one. But if it happens, it happens and good for me. I just don't want to be miserable about it if it doesn't. I have other things to be preoccupied with. Like orgs and being a freshman. Oooh, I'm so excited. They say the summer before freshman year is always the longest. I can't wait!

Too bad that excitement doesn't transcend into real life. Otherwise, I'd be happy. Right now, I'm just... okay.

Packing

2008-04-04T10:14:33Z

No one understands how much that word makes me laugh uncontrollably and makes me flinch, simultaneously (if that's even possible, but I swear, it happens).

I read this article by Jessica Zafra once, (in one of the compilations of Twisted). She was talking about this guy whose English wasn't that great. So every time he'd get pissed and curse someone, he'd go, "dat packing teacher. dat packing exam." He was called Packing because of that. XD

The only reason I'm pissed - not even, more of annoyed - right now is that I have to pack. I hate packing (haha). Packing isn't as easy as others say it is. It involves a lot of thought. You have to plan out what you're going to bring, what to wear on each day, et cetera. This isn't even superficial, I'm talking about practicality here. Not bringing the right clothes would entail you to buy what you need lest freeze/burn to death in whatever region you are in. I wish I was back to those days when I could just raid my closet and throw whatever I laid my eyes on into the suitcase. Hay. I miss those days.

Sabi nila may snow daw dun sa pupuntahan namin kaya ang dami kong dinalang sweater at jacket. Pero pano ba naman yun, tropical country ang Pilipinas kaya kahit gano ka-kapal ng tela ng sweater o ng jacket ko na para dito dapat, 'di pa rin uubra yan sa lamig dun. Tapos kelangan ko pa isulat kung ano yung pinag-dadala ko, kasi baka makalimutan. Para daw madali hanapin pag kinailangang hanapin. Hindi ako masyadong excited na pumunta dun kasi ang daming planong nasira dahil lang sa planong 'to.

Dapat ko na tapusin yung ginagawa ko.

Someone save me?
Ju

Medyo nakakatawa lang

2008-04-01T09:53:53Z

Pag nag-iisip ako
Yung inaabot, ang layo
Lumilipad, gumananap
ng kung sino-sino, naghahanap
Sa kung saan-saan
di ko malaman
Minsan hindi ko matukoy
Yung kathang-isip lang
At yung totoo talaga
May kaibahan ba?

Nakakainip! Kasi wala akong magawa. Kakagraduate ko lang, pero bukas hinihintay ko pa rin pumasok. 'Di dahil gusto ko mag-aral o gumawa ng homework.... wala lang, para may saysay naman yung oras ko, 'di lang nasasayang. Kanina, umalis ako, nanood ng sine. Natulog ko sa kalagitnaan kasi ang sabaw pinanood ko. Tungkol siya sa isang elepante na 'di nagsisinungaling. At sabi niya pa, kahit gaano kaliit ng tao, tao pa rin. Mas poetic yung pagkasabi niya. O diba, talo pa 'ko ng elepante. Hindi nga lang siya lumilipad.

Pagkauwi ko sa bahay, nagcomputer ako dahil kailangan ko maghanap ng ticket. Pero hanggang ngayon 'di ko pa rin nagagawa kasi nadistract ako. ~~Sino~~ Bakit kaya?

Kani-kanina lang, umulan. Wala, ang init pa rin.

Sabaw... mainit kasi.